I said a while back that I was thinking of creating a new blog for my writing and interests, and here it is!
https://elliemorrisbooks.blogspot.co.uk/
I already have a few posts up, so please check out the new look and follow me if you’d like!
Coming Back, Finally (I Hope)
Well, my last post on “getting serious” turned out to be a bit of a farce! After beginning my pledge to write more, and more frequently, I spiraled back down into feeling ill and unmotivated again. So nothing got done! It’s now October and I haven’t so much as opened my Scrivener file for Roses For Margaret. I find it rather scary, thinking of logging into the laptop, looking through my many writing files, and loading up the book that has given me such difficulty.
Due to my health issues and a big road trip holiday in New England that was coming up at the time, I decided to have summer off to devote to relaxing, in preparation for an exhausting but exciting trip, and the idea that I would be working on bettering my projects non-stop come September.
The holiday was two weeks long, and I had an amazing time with my family, trying new things and seeing new places. I swam in the freezing cold ocean in Maine, attempting to jump over waves that came high above my head; stayed in a cottage on a farm with many animals, in a remote place in New Hampshire where there were two pet Newfoundlands whose scent kept the forest bears away; rowed down a river in Vermont on a raft, where there were millions of surrounding dragonflies flitting in every direction, and with the surrounding forest and crystal-clear mountain straight ahead; jumped in and swam in the same river fully clothed, spitting out the floating dragonflies and struggling along kept afloat by an awkwardly big life vest, loving the chilled but natural waters; searching through an antiques store in Connecticut as big as a palace, grandfather clocks clanging and chiming away the many hours spent in pursuit of a beautiful bargain, and coming across a late Victorian embroidered purse that would end up fervently admired and travelling across the Atlantic in my suitcase; standing on wooden fences on a Cape Cod beach, craning to get the best view of the amber and scarlet setting sun. It was all magical, and I was so active and thrilled for each day, yet falling asleep each night within minutes of laying my head on a pillow. No wonder it took about a month to recover!
But I think I’m finally back. I’m no longer anxious about logging into my laptop, and I’m just about getting to opening the dreaded Scrivener file. I have a couple of plans for Margaret, who has been proverbially sitting on the shelf for a while now – better dust off her blonde hair and iron her school dress. It is my gap year; or, thinking realistically, as I don’t think uni life is for me – me being the autistic, constantly ill, extremely family-orientated, drinking/party-scene-hating, naive, young-for-my-age, “square” kinda girl that I am – this “gap year” is probably going to be the rest of my life (not putting myself down, by the way, it’s a truthful description of my fuddy-duddy ways, and I say most of it with humor :)). So, it being my “gap year”, I want to focus intently on my future business endeavors. I’m coming up with many ideas, both for my novels, and my sewing/fashion/costuming and history-loving side of things. I’m going to learn whatever I can about these areas, and try to “perfect” my crafts as much as possible (after all, they say perfect is an unrealistic goal, so I’ll just do my best to practice, practice, practice, and gain experience).
To start this, I’m breaking out the old blogs. I have plans to move over to a different blog, maybe on a Blogger account, as I find the layout of that easier to use and more inspiring. The same goes for my tired and old Miss Morris blog, as I explained here. I’ll be setting up new accounts, for a fresh beginning.
Next, I’ll be reading over what I’ve written of Roses For Margaret, no matter how painfully tedious, as I’ve done it a million times before, the dozens of days that I thought to myself in a flash of surprisingly good intentions “oops! Better get back to Margaret and her bloody roses!” Some of it makes me ruminate about things, but I’m hoping that the frame of mind I’m in now will persevere and carry on forever, enabling me to get on with life. Whilst a little stressed at silly things like not being able to procure a perfect gluten-free bundt cake from the oven first try, or having an irksome experience with a rather nasty, shark-like shop-owner, my mood has been good, and I’m looking forward to every day, making plans, and being happy with what I have, and how things are.
One factor of this is probably that I’ve started a bullet journal. It helps me tremendously with planning for the day, week and month, and I can write down all my thoughts, ideas, and dreams, and detail how my mood and day has been. The beauty of the bullet journal is that you can create the structure yourself. If one thing doesn’t work that week, change it for the next week! At some point I’d like to make a post or video about bullet journalling and how it can help with writing and coming up with plans for the future. But there is another idea: YouTube videos! It will be interesting to try another outlet for explaining my ideas, but I’m shy, so we’ll see how that goes…
Anyway! The dogs are barking, it’s now a full house due to school and work finishing for the day, and everyone is rushing around trying to get more jobs done. And I still need to open that file and start whipping Margaret and all her associates into shape! Better get moving.
Day One of Getting Serious
Seeing as I now have a timetable and an almost-spotless room, I think it is time to make good on my plans for a successful writing routine. Today was a good day for starting that routine.
After packing a bag with my laptop, a notepad for scribbling notes, a planner, and my iPhone that is only useful for playing music, I found a cafe in a small garden center fifteen minutes away from my home that is rather nice. Dad came with me for the walk and drink, as we really had to scout to find a nearby cafe that was suitable. I then ordered a pot of tea, and opened my Scrivener file for Roses for Margaret for the first time in probably half a year.
I was shocked at the state of my novel. Really. Most of the notes I wrote down on my notepad were basically “Wtf” (which I never usually say or write, but in this case it warranted some confused swearing) and lots of question marks and exclamation points. It really is a mess. Not necessarily the writing, but the way I formatted it; the chapter numbers are off completely (going from chapter 15 to chapter 21 with no chapters in between), there are no chapter numbers on the actual documents – or at least none that make sense, as though things have been cut and pasted all over the place – and the plot is really confused. I have a character called Melissa that gets introduced around chapter 15 briefly, and then she doesn’t get mentioned for ages, and then a couple of chapters later she is made out to be Margaret’s best friend…
I don’t know what’s going on with it, as last time I read it through I thought it was okay and made sense (but then again, last time I read it my brain was very foggy and tired and it probably looked about right then to my confused mind). My first thought was that some of my chapters and files had been accidentally deleted or corrupted, but I think that’s a rather far-fetched idea; most likely it was just me and my then-mushy brain thinking that it was cohesive.
I’ve been slowly working through RFM, editing slightly and ordering the chapters and numbers correctly. I’ve sorted out the Melissa dilemma (kind of – I may need some more of her in future chapters) and even came up with an ending! That’s a victory for me, as I’ve been struggling to come up with an ending I’m happy with for ages. Endings aren’t my strongest point, I’m better at starting stories than finishing them, but I think this ending will have a ray of hope.
I’ve also realised what the key themes of Margaret are; friendship, coming of age, lesbian sexuality, high school, obsession, illness, loneliness, and Asperger’s. Now that these words are fixed in place, I hope I can do the themes justice.
Formulating a Plan
I’ve been stuck in a rut recently, especially where writing is concerned. I haven’t done it properly for months. So last night my Dad and I came up with a plan for the summer. I’m going to be focused on growing myself and writing as much as I can. I’m going to learn as much as I can.
First of all, I need to think of myself as an author. An aspiring author at least. I can’t imagine anything else that I want to do as a career, along with creating a store to sell historical clothing once I get good at the art of costuming, so this summer and gap year it’s time to try establishing myself.
The plan is, to write, study, market, and research.
Writing wise, I’m going to try to tackle and finish Roses for Margaret once and for all. It may be tricky, but it’s my goal. I have a lot of other stories in the works at the moment too, but they have nowhere near as big a word count as RFM does. I figured that sticking with the longest WIP would be more prudent.
For studying, I’m going to look at success stories and authors that are successful; looking at technology, personal development, running businesses in writing and costuming, and how to get the best results from Amazon will also be a part of my plan.
I have a course on eBook marketing somewhere that my Dad bought me, so I shall definitely look at that, as well as any other information I can find online.
My writing research shall take place around history, places and people, or anything else I can think of.
I shall spend my days productively, alternating between writing and sewing/costuming, so that I do three days of writing and two days of sewing in the week; the weekend is up to me to decide what activity I want to do. Here is the daily plan:
- Every other morning, ideally at ten o’clock, I go to a nearby cafe with my laptop to get a cup of tea, and plan the writing/research/studying I’m going to do for the day. I shall bring my headphones, sketchbook and a notebook, and maybe do some writing there on my laptop. At least 500 words, or until my laptop begins to run out of battery.
- I go home, have lunch, and sit at my work desk to hammer out as much as I can. Maybe another 500+ words, possibly more.
- Later on, after a short period of relaxing, I study. It could be a marketing course, tips on writing, biographies of authors or non-fiction books based on the era/place/theme I want to research.
- I can relax here and do whatever.
- In the evening I shall read interesting works of fiction to inspire me.
Monday, Wednesday, Friday are for writing. Tuesday and Thursday are for sewing/costuming. The weekend can be a mix of both.
Practical things I need to do soon:
- First of all, I need to tidy my writing desk – a disorganised and messy room won’t allow me to concentrate on my writing!
- Write up a timetable and day to day rota.
- Download the course my Dad bought to my laptop.
- Borrow related books from the library, or buy them.
- Locate a cafe that I’m comfortable with that I can get to and from easily enough.
- And most importantly, I need to figure out what I’m doing with the plot of Margaret! I want to know the ideal ending point of the story, and what exactly will happen. Maybe I could make a quiz to see what kinds of endings and plot devices are popular.
I’m not certain that I have to research much into history, places or people for Margaret’s story, as it is set in the modern day, and is based on my experiences and set in my area, with a bit of fantasy thrown in. But I’m definitely stuck for how the story is going to end, as I don’t know how my own story is going to end (it would be scary if I did though!).
Anyway, that’s enough rambling from me now! I’m glad I have a plan now, and I can’t wait to get out of this rut! Maybe some of my ideas/planning could come in useful for another writer that needs some structure or practical ideas and habits to keep them going?
Still Getting Creative Ideas
I’m still getting creative ideas, despite my decline in health; I’ve recently been diagnosed with ME and fibromyalgia by my doctor, which is a relief to know that my chronic fatigue problems have a name, rather than just being “in my head” as mental health specialists would say… I have a treatment plan with supplements to take and a ketogenic diet to follow, so I’m hopeful that I will make an improvement soon.
Writing-wise, with my fatigue conditions being as they are recently, I honestly think writing anything longer than a novella is beyond me, at least for now. When I think back to writing “When the Summer Ends” I’m sometimes amazed at how much I managed to write – over three hundred pages and 120,000 words! Everything since has been a struggle – an enjoyable but sometimes frustrating struggle at that – with my word counts only just making 60,000 when I push myself hard.
I haven’t been writing for a long while, so my goal for now is to focus on getting college done, and then I can really start thinking about writing.
Roses for Margaret is first on my list, as I have a rota for what I want to achieve in the next few years, writing and costuming wise. I’m planning on making the story shorter that I originally intended, and for the price I sell my books, I don’t think it’s a bad idea. It was originally going to be titled “Margaret’s School”, so I think it’s fitting that the story is going to follow Margaret’s life for her school years.
I Am Half Agony, Half Hope
Recently I have been intermittently picking up my long-neglected novel, Roses for Margaret. And still, I am on the chapter that flummoxed me months and months ago – the dreaded hospital chapter. Not only does it bring back memories of my own hospital experience at the age of fourteen – which it is based on, I admit – my memory is hazy at that time, and I find it hard to visualise and put words to my old experience. Whilst some of Margaret’s life follows my own, lots and lots of elements deviate from my experiences, and in this chapter, it isn’t the case, sadly. It was painful and confusing, and still is today.
I thought that writing from my own experience would give the book a little more verisimilitude, or make it ring true to readers that have been through similar illnesses and tests. But instead, it makes things even more difficult! Not because I’m getting emotional about it, but because the more I think about it, the more I get detached from it and forget somehow…
Margaret is a complex kind of character to write, at least for me. Her experiences are similar to my own (bar one, I think), but her personality is completely different, which makes things a challenge. How would she react to situation A, or situation B? How can I make her believable? How on earth do I write her?! What shall her ending be (yes, I’m still stuck on the ending of the novel, would you believe!) ? These are the kinds of thoughts running through my head.
I can only hope – and in half-hope, half-writer-related-agony as my Jane Austen quote above says 😉 – that she will start to materialise in my mind.